Ame
by LexaRose
Summary: warnings: yaoi, angst, sap. Something happens that makes Eiji think about how things are. OishiEiji


**Title:** Ame ("Rain")  
**Author:** LexaRose

**Pairings:** Oishi/Eiji  
**Warnings:** yaoi, angst, introspection, happy ending, Eiji POV

**Summary:** The boys are out of college here.  Something happens that makes Eiji sit down and think about how things are.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Prince of Tennis, all the boys would be paired with each other, so that's why I write fanfiction.

As the rain hits the window's glass, I can't help but think, even though I know I shouldn't.  I left you in the other room to get away from my thoughts, but it seems that no matter how far I run, they will be right behind me, waiting for me to stop so they can plague me once again. 

My thoughts are making no sense, even to myself.  You see, I loved you; still love you, really.  That's why tonight never should have happened.  Now there's something that doesn't make sense, why shouldn't you make love with the person that you love?  I'd have no problems with it if what had happened between us was making love. 

I've never seen you drunk before tonight.  I don't know how exactly that happened, both the never seeing you drunk part, and the fact that you were drunk.  We've known each other since junior high, been roommates since starting university, and besides Fuji, you were (are still? I hope so) my best friend. 

I've loved you since then, you know, since forever it seems.  I remember the exact moment I realized I was in love with you.  It was senior year of junior high, and it was during the match against Hyotei.  You weren't there to let me fly and I was so lost, grounded, not knowing what to do.  And suddenly there you were on the court; not literally, but I could feel you there, and I suddenly knew what I had to do so that Momo and I could win.  I couldn't let you down, we were going to Nationals, I promised you that, and I wasn't about to break that promise.  That's when I knew that I loved you.

I tried not to act any differently around you, I didn't want you to know, didn't want to change things between us, make things awkward.  Though, instead, I seemed to make things worse.  We ended up not hanging out as much, not talking as much, and that was my fault.  When I realized what was happening, I fixed things and we went back to the way we always were,  You never did ask what was wrong, why things seemed to get weird between us, but I think you were pretty preoccupied yourself, what with taking over for Tezuka as buchou and all. 

We went on to high school and then to university, and I was determined to follow you every step of the way.  Did you ever notice that I stopped trying quite so hard to beat you?  I wanted to forever remain your doubles partner, so that I could stay a part of your life.  I was content with being your friend, your doubles partner, even if the times we would play slowly dwindled as real life caught up with us.  You can't stay fourteen forever, can you?

I don't drink, other than toasts at parties.  People seem to expect me to do the opposite, since I'm always happy and talking and trying to be in the center of things.  If I'm already that, why would I want to drink?  I got drunk once, only once, when we first started university, and I swore I'd never do it again.  Besides the fact that I have an incredibly low tolerance and I get very sick afterwards, I also get very sad, and I think about things I don't want to.  Like now, really, but sometimes we just have to think things out before the half-finished thoughts eat you alive from the inside.

 This brings us to tonight.  Tonight.  I lean my face against the cool glass of the window, the cold burns against my flushed cheeks, and I study the way the light of the streetlamp glints off of the water droplets clinging to the glass, creating odd shadows across the ledge I'm currently sitting on.  Tonight was weakness, was something I swore I would never let happen.  I've become a liar to myself and have almost definitely lost the most important thing in the world to me; you.

Fuji and Tezuka got married.  It wasn't a legal ceremony, because there's still too much controversy over whether to legalize gay marriage or not, but it was a nice ceremony before those important to them, to show their commitment to one another.  I was Fuji's best man, and Oishi was Tezuka's.  I was happy for Fuji; he managed to find something that I could only dream of. 

There were many toasts made, and I drank more than I normally would have.  Not enough to get drunk on, not by a long shot, but enough that I wasn't thinking as clearly as I do when sober.  I don't remember seeing Oishi drink that much, but I ended up having to help him back to our apartment.  We've shared one for six years now (I wonder what it will cost us if we end up having to break our lease?) and this was the first time I ever saw him like this. 

I got our door open and let us inside, bringing the two of us over to the couch.  Oishi sat down, and as I was going to the kitchen for two glasses of water he grabbed my wrist, not hard enough to hurt, but enough so I couldn't pull away.  Drawing me down on his lap, he kissed me.  I thought I fell asleep in the cab on the way back home, thought I must have had much more to drink than I thought, thought that I brought an imposter home and not my roommate.  A million thoughts and feelings swirled in my mind, but when my arms involuntarily circled broad shoulders that I had always longed to touch more than casually, and those muscled arms dragged me against a firm chest, I couldn't deny what was happening.

I could hear a small voice screaming inside my head that I was taking advantage of my best friend while he wasn't able to make decisions for himself, a voice I promptly squashed.  I've loved him for ten years; ten years of watching and dreaming of something I'd never be allowed to have, and now here it was within my reach, if only for one night.  It would have taken a better person than I to have passed it up.

Stumblingly, we made our way to your room, lips parting for mere seconds to breathe before coming together again.  Before I knew it, we were naked and I was underneath you and I was feeling things I never felt with someone else.  It was like there was half of myself missing, and when you were inside me, we were one, unlike any unity we ever had on the tennis court. 

I came crying out your name, and was able to watch as your orgasm overtook you; you were beautiful.  I'll forever remember your features contorted in ecstasy, long after the sun has risen and this night has been pushed to the back of your mind, best forgotten. 

My guilt gnaws at me like a living thing, and my thoughts keep dancing away from what your reaction will be.  Will you even remember?  Will you hate me, pity me, be reviled by me?  My moment one weakness may well cost me my best friend, and I just hope that my memories will be enough to carry me past this.

I'm so lost in my own thoughts, my own guilt, that I don't hear you enter the room.  I don't realize you're there, have been there; have been watching me as my tears became a reflection of the rain on the window.  I don't notice you until strong arms wrap around my waist, bringing me out of my reverie. 

I twist around to face you, one hand dashing away the tears in my eyes while the other clings to my robe to keep it closed, hiding the marks on my neck, shoulders and chest, evidence of our lovemaking that I want to keep to myself as my own remembrance of something that will never happen again.

"Oishi, how are you feeling?  You seemed pretty far-gone, nya, when we got home."

"Eiji," you say, and the sound of my name on your tongue sends shivers down my spine.  "Why did you leave?"

He remembers?  I didn't expect him to be up so early, I need more time, I can't deal with this right now.  I'll just play dumb, maybe that will work.  "What are you talking about, Oishi?  I'm the one who helped you home from the party, nya.  I didn't leave."

Those green eyes of yours, the ones that seem like they can see straight through to my soul sometimes, are studying me, and I have to fight against the desire to look down, to draw in upon myself, anything to protect me from what they might see. 

"Eiji, you know what I'm talking about, don't play around.  Why did you leave?"

I could never lie, not to Oishi at least.  There was nothing left for me to do but gather my courage and accept what was about to happen.  "I...I just thought that it would be easier – for you.  I know that you didn't mean for last night to happen, and I shouldn't have let it, but I just couldn't, not after so long -"  I realized that I was rambling, and I bit down on my lower lip to stop the flow of words that seemed as if they could be unending.  My eyes gravitated towards my hands, hands that just a short while ago had been touching you.  "I'm sorry.  If you'd like, I'll move out."

A hand on my chin forced me to look him in the eye, and the feelings I found within them made my heart feel as though it had stopped.  Was that light, that love, was it always within them?  How had I missed that? 

"I took a chance tonight, Eiji.  I reached out and kissed my best friend, something I've wanted to do since we were fourteen.  I never thought that something would happen.  I figured you'd write it off as me being drunk, but at least I would have gotten to kiss you.  Instead, I got a greater gift than I ever could have imagined."  His fingers moved from my chin to brush against my cheek, and I could feel goose bumps pricking along my arms at the sensation.  "Please, I don't want you to leave.  Stay here...with me?"

He looked so uncertain, so scared, and yet to me he was braver than I could have ever been.  He had the courage to do what I had only dreamed of for the past ten years.  "Syuichirou," I said, immediately catching his attention.  I never used his given name, ever since telling him it was too much of a mouthful back when we were freshmen in junior high.  "I haven't left yet, have I?  Just...think of this as another way to play doubles.  I'll always be your partner."

He smiled then, have I mentioned how much I love his smile?  "Until the day you defeat me?"

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around Oishi's neck, drawing him closer to me, until our foreheads were touching.  "Even if I defeat you, I will never want another partner.  You are stuck with Kikumaru-sama and his acrobatics."

Suddenly I found myself picked up in Oishi's arms, and though my arms tightened around his neck slightly, I trusted him not to drop me, trust that only the best of doubles partners have in one another.  "How about you show me some more of those acrobatics right now?"

My laughter followed us into the bedroom, where I proceeded to show him just that.  Out in the living room, the rain continued to beat against the window, in an effort to wash away the tears left, forgotten, against the glass.


End file.
